The end of an anchor

Hello again. 

I'm really trying to keep up with this blog  this time around. 

Over the past couple days a few things have both surprised and disappointed me. People that I've only just met here in Florida are being kinder to me than people that I've known for so long. 

And on one hand I don't know what I've done to deserve all this kindness and love.

On the other hand, I'm disappointed in those who were supposed to always be there and have disappeared. 

In any case, I'm thankful for what this Florida adventure is teaching me. 

I'm trying hard not to be so socially awkward and anxious. I'm trying to be kinder and bite my tongue over certain things. Most of all I'm trying to be the person that God has called me to be that I wasn't doing so well at for some time. 

Every time I want to pack up and leave here, one of these kind, new humans gives me a reason to keep staying. Though it's a struggle and I feel lost, and some people tell me to go home, and my mom asks me every couple days if I'm coming home- we will accomplish the purpose that we have here. 

There are bits of light and hope and encouragement that keep me going, and that is more than I could ask for. 

So while we're in a weird situation and like 3 homeless people just moved in with the guy were staying with and we can't seem to find available housing, I will continue to believe because God got us here and I know He won't abandon us. 

Plus Neal got a second job which means I can work the part time hours I'm given instead of picking up shifts to hit full time. Considering the fact that I'm used to working a ton, I don't know what I'll do with all my spare time. 

There are pros and cons to every situation but I guess as they say, bloom where you're planted. 

After a long week, I'm excited to finally use the movie tickets Neals mom gave us over a month ago, and to get some new makeup at Ulta. If I have to get fat and can't do anything about it, I might as well make my face cute. 

11 weeks pregnant today. An emotional wreck, a blob, but oh so thankful. One week til I'm a third there, and can dye my hair again. (Some told me it's safe now but some said after first trimester so I'd rather be safe.) little one is the size of a lime now. Though my belly shows otherwise. 

"So hand me the rocks, to help weigh me down

And tether my legs with a cord tightly bound

To the end of an anchor thrown into the sound 

And test me to see if I will rise against

The worst that it can get"

Kitchen sink

Welcome to my millionth attempt at a blog. I thought I had nothing inspirational or interesting left to say anymore, but someone told me otherwise. So for that small amount of faith someone had in me, I've returned for another go. What you've missed? 

Probably that I got married over a year ago. Greatest decision of my life. (As he starts shouting and spinning on a chair over a video game). 

I'm almost 3 months pregnant. Totally freaky. But we were scared something was wrong and that it wouldn't happen. Asked God, and it did happen. Now I'm both petrified, and ecstatic. My stomach feels consistently like a bowling ball, I can't sleep, and I feel like a lazy bum. 

We moved to Florida. I don't really know why. We're pretty positive God told us to but this is the last place I wanna be right now. I miss my family, my cats, coffee dates at muggswigz(which my phone still autocorrected for how many times I've talked about Muggswigz delicious wonder), $1 movies at movies 10, the fall weather, the snow, holidays with family, and Washington square Starbucks oh so much. Starbucks is a wonderful job, but the location, store, workers, and manager means everything. 

Still at Starbucks. Just a different store. It's still Starbucks whether or not different procedures are followed. I will keep what Washington square taught me in my heart. And that's that we change people's lives. We inspire their day, we go the extra mile, we are kind and loving and so darn patient even if a incredibly rude customer comes in. We have the chance to change their day. And I will keep that with me and continue to do what I can while making great coffee. 

I think part of the reason I'm not liking Florida is also because we aren't getting out much. We've been here a month and have been to the beach twice. On my days off we've watched movies, Netflix, played videogames(him halo 5, me animal crossing and super smash brothers), and I've played around on the Internet. Someone invited us over for a Halloween get together and we actually went. Which surprised me considering my social anxiety, and the fact that he didn't know any of the people. It was a nice time. Tomorrow I have another day off and I will make something of it. We will go to the beach, or something at least. Maybe we can find a church to visit since it's a Wednesday. Someone also told me about this drum circle that happens at the beach on Wednesday nights. Which is basically a bunch of people banging on drums, dancing, hula hooping with light up hula hoops, and being crazy on the beach at night. Which sounds like it could be a good time. I'm a pregnant loaf so who knows how much dancing I would do but it would be fun to see anyhow. Speaking of fun to see, I have these happy bunny pajama pants that I've had since I was about 12, and since I'm the same height, of course still have them. He put them on 20 minutes ago and is still wearing them. I wish I could show you. It's hysterical. I guess Florida can't be so bad if I'm here with the love of my life. 

Who just made me youth berry tea. 

Marriage is all I dreamed and more. 

"Nobody thinks what I think,

Nobody dreams when they blink

Think things on the brink of blasphemy

I'm my own shrink

Think things are after me, my catastrophe

I'm a kitchen sink,

You don't know what that means

Because a kitchen sink to you

Is not a kitchen sink to me, OK friend?

Are you searching for purpose?

Then write something, yeah it might be worthless

Then paint something then, it might be wordless

Pointless curses, nonsense verses

You'll see purpose start to surface

No one else is dealing with your demons

Meaning maybe defeating them

Could be the beginning of your meaning, friend." ~Twenty One Pilots