I took some food for thought, it might be poisoned

Took a little hiatus there. Sorry guys! 

Being 4 months pregnant and working nearly full time has kept me pretty busy. 

I had a lot I wanted to post about in that time so I'll go with what I can remember. 

I've been a slacker. My passion for Starbucks hasn't exactly grown smaller. Yet I've noticed myself being okay with a drink going out not properly made. Or I'll see someone making a drink wrong(even after they were corrected) and not say anything. It's hard. Because I feel like I already said something and it's not my place. I've realized the only person in this situation that I can control is myself. The lack of care has left me sorely disappointed in myself. Howard Schultz shut all the stores down once to show every barista how to pull the perfect espresso shot. Smooth like honey, not fast running, and not slow dripping. And I've lost sight of why I do this. I'm trying to get back on track. I never want to use pregnancy as an excuse because there is never an excuse for laziness or carelessness. Starbucks is very important to me and the company has always treated me well. I'm especially thankful for our insurance at this point in my life. I'd be up to my eyeballs in hospital bills now if it weren't for Starbucks. 

I want my future child to be proud of me.

Even if I'm "just a barista". If it's done with passion, there's no such thing as "just a...". It was easy to have passion at my old store because of who I was surrounded by. At this point I have to reignite what all my managers over the past 2+ years have taught me. 

I'm incredibly thankful for the kindness that all of our new friends here continue to show us even if my stubborn social issues keep me from wanting to spend too much time with people. Everyone has been way too kind, and while I miss home, I know we're not alone here. 

Speaking of, Neals birthday was yesterday. And unfortunately I had to work 1-9:30 for it. And the night before that I frantically went looking for a gift for him. Oops. I ended up with memory foam slippers(cause he always wears socks) which made me feel like we're a boring old couple who's been married for 30 years(when in reality it's been 1 year and some months) and a couple packs of magic cards and some red bull which helped remedy the first gift haha. However, he's wearing the slippers right now so I think he likes them. Happy birthday to my sweet husband who puts up with my crazy antics. 

I've gotten back into makeup pretty fiercely.  On Black Friday I went to Ulta and bought over $100 in makeup. Oops again. But now I have enough to last a lifetime. (Yet I still pick up every bit of clearance makeup at Walgreens). I've been learning new techniques and have improved a lot at makeup. While I don't think it's a career path for me, it's still one of the best feelings in the world to put on crazy makeup and take photos of it. I wouldn't mind taking some classes though. It's nice to have a hobby at least since I'm not working two jobs and 55 hours a week like I used to. While I'm still as exhausted working 35. So makeup has been a release for me lately. As I'm wearing blue lipstick. 

We find out the gender in January. I am so anxious. It's so close yet so far! We're crossing our fingers for a little girl but whatever God gives us will be just fine. I'm honestly just ready to meet this baby and get over this dreadful period of life which is pregnancy. While I've been pretty lucky and haven't been sick much at all and haven't had any of the bad side effects, I'm still dead tired. And it's so frustrating when I can't drink a quad espresso or a red bull. I think I made it through the ugly phase of pregnancy cause most of the acne cleared up and my hair isn't drier than the Sahara like it was. Here's to being 17 weeks and sort of almost halfway there. Sigh. 

Still not a Florida fan. I just can't seem to get a grip on what we're doing here. I imagine there's some big beautiful lesson God is trying to teach us. It seems to me like we're just struggling fiercely. We're working our butts off and still can't find an affordable place here. I'm trying to bring passion to this Starbucks but it's almost impossible. Our work schedules clash so church is hard. And hanging out with humans is hard cause I'm already drained from all the people I see at Starbucks everyday. I still miss Muggswigz and el campesinos and the dollar movie theatre. I miss Neals family and my family. The familiarity of my Starbucks store. Faith family. My cats. My friends. I know I can't judge this all based off of barely 3 months but it's wearing me out. I'm sure we'll figure it out. 

We'll continue to work hard. 

I'll be slinging lattes and doing online surveys. 

Neal will wrap burritos  

And even if this isn't what most consider success, I feel successful. 

With the love of my life by my side, and our little future. ❤️

The end of an anchor

Hello again. 

I'm really trying to keep up with this blog  this time around. 

Over the past couple days a few things have both surprised and disappointed me. People that I've only just met here in Florida are being kinder to me than people that I've known for so long. 

And on one hand I don't know what I've done to deserve all this kindness and love.

On the other hand, I'm disappointed in those who were supposed to always be there and have disappeared. 

In any case, I'm thankful for what this Florida adventure is teaching me. 

I'm trying hard not to be so socially awkward and anxious. I'm trying to be kinder and bite my tongue over certain things. Most of all I'm trying to be the person that God has called me to be that I wasn't doing so well at for some time. 

Every time I want to pack up and leave here, one of these kind, new humans gives me a reason to keep staying. Though it's a struggle and I feel lost, and some people tell me to go home, and my mom asks me every couple days if I'm coming home- we will accomplish the purpose that we have here. 

There are bits of light and hope and encouragement that keep me going, and that is more than I could ask for. 

So while we're in a weird situation and like 3 homeless people just moved in with the guy were staying with and we can't seem to find available housing, I will continue to believe because God got us here and I know He won't abandon us. 

Plus Neal got a second job which means I can work the part time hours I'm given instead of picking up shifts to hit full time. Considering the fact that I'm used to working a ton, I don't know what I'll do with all my spare time. 

There are pros and cons to every situation but I guess as they say, bloom where you're planted. 

After a long week, I'm excited to finally use the movie tickets Neals mom gave us over a month ago, and to get some new makeup at Ulta. If I have to get fat and can't do anything about it, I might as well make my face cute. 

11 weeks pregnant today. An emotional wreck, a blob, but oh so thankful. One week til I'm a third there, and can dye my hair again. (Some told me it's safe now but some said after first trimester so I'd rather be safe.) little one is the size of a lime now. Though my belly shows otherwise. 

"So hand me the rocks, to help weigh me down

And tether my legs with a cord tightly bound

To the end of an anchor thrown into the sound 

And test me to see if I will rise against

The worst that it can get"

Kitchen sink

Welcome to my millionth attempt at a blog. I thought I had nothing inspirational or interesting left to say anymore, but someone told me otherwise. So for that small amount of faith someone had in me, I've returned for another go. What you've missed? 

Probably that I got married over a year ago. Greatest decision of my life. (As he starts shouting and spinning on a chair over a video game). 

I'm almost 3 months pregnant. Totally freaky. But we were scared something was wrong and that it wouldn't happen. Asked God, and it did happen. Now I'm both petrified, and ecstatic. My stomach feels consistently like a bowling ball, I can't sleep, and I feel like a lazy bum. 

We moved to Florida. I don't really know why. We're pretty positive God told us to but this is the last place I wanna be right now. I miss my family, my cats, coffee dates at muggswigz(which my phone still autocorrected for how many times I've talked about Muggswigz delicious wonder), $1 movies at movies 10, the fall weather, the snow, holidays with family, and Washington square Starbucks oh so much. Starbucks is a wonderful job, but the location, store, workers, and manager means everything. 

Still at Starbucks. Just a different store. It's still Starbucks whether or not different procedures are followed. I will keep what Washington square taught me in my heart. And that's that we change people's lives. We inspire their day, we go the extra mile, we are kind and loving and so darn patient even if a incredibly rude customer comes in. We have the chance to change their day. And I will keep that with me and continue to do what I can while making great coffee. 

I think part of the reason I'm not liking Florida is also because we aren't getting out much. We've been here a month and have been to the beach twice. On my days off we've watched movies, Netflix, played videogames(him halo 5, me animal crossing and super smash brothers), and I've played around on the Internet. Someone invited us over for a Halloween get together and we actually went. Which surprised me considering my social anxiety, and the fact that he didn't know any of the people. It was a nice time. Tomorrow I have another day off and I will make something of it. We will go to the beach, or something at least. Maybe we can find a church to visit since it's a Wednesday. Someone also told me about this drum circle that happens at the beach on Wednesday nights. Which is basically a bunch of people banging on drums, dancing, hula hooping with light up hula hoops, and being crazy on the beach at night. Which sounds like it could be a good time. I'm a pregnant loaf so who knows how much dancing I would do but it would be fun to see anyhow. Speaking of fun to see, I have these happy bunny pajama pants that I've had since I was about 12, and since I'm the same height, of course still have them. He put them on 20 minutes ago and is still wearing them. I wish I could show you. It's hysterical. I guess Florida can't be so bad if I'm here with the love of my life. 

Who just made me youth berry tea. 

Marriage is all I dreamed and more. 

"Nobody thinks what I think,

Nobody dreams when they blink

Think things on the brink of blasphemy

I'm my own shrink

Think things are after me, my catastrophe

I'm a kitchen sink,

You don't know what that means

Because a kitchen sink to you

Is not a kitchen sink to me, OK friend?

Are you searching for purpose?

Then write something, yeah it might be worthless

Then paint something then, it might be wordless

Pointless curses, nonsense verses

You'll see purpose start to surface

No one else is dealing with your demons

Meaning maybe defeating them

Could be the beginning of your meaning, friend." ~Twenty One Pilots