The end of an anchor

Hello again. 

I'm really trying to keep up with this blog  this time around. 

Over the past couple days a few things have both surprised and disappointed me. People that I've only just met here in Florida are being kinder to me than people that I've known for so long. 

And on one hand I don't know what I've done to deserve all this kindness and love.

On the other hand, I'm disappointed in those who were supposed to always be there and have disappeared. 

In any case, I'm thankful for what this Florida adventure is teaching me. 

I'm trying hard not to be so socially awkward and anxious. I'm trying to be kinder and bite my tongue over certain things. Most of all I'm trying to be the person that God has called me to be that I wasn't doing so well at for some time. 

Every time I want to pack up and leave here, one of these kind, new humans gives me a reason to keep staying. Though it's a struggle and I feel lost, and some people tell me to go home, and my mom asks me every couple days if I'm coming home- we will accomplish the purpose that we have here. 

There are bits of light and hope and encouragement that keep me going, and that is more than I could ask for. 

So while we're in a weird situation and like 3 homeless people just moved in with the guy were staying with and we can't seem to find available housing, I will continue to believe because God got us here and I know He won't abandon us. 

Plus Neal got a second job which means I can work the part time hours I'm given instead of picking up shifts to hit full time. Considering the fact that I'm used to working a ton, I don't know what I'll do with all my spare time. 

There are pros and cons to every situation but I guess as they say, bloom where you're planted. 

After a long week, I'm excited to finally use the movie tickets Neals mom gave us over a month ago, and to get some new makeup at Ulta. If I have to get fat and can't do anything about it, I might as well make my face cute. 

11 weeks pregnant today. An emotional wreck, a blob, but oh so thankful. One week til I'm a third there, and can dye my hair again. (Some told me it's safe now but some said after first trimester so I'd rather be safe.) little one is the size of a lime now. Though my belly shows otherwise. 

"So hand me the rocks, to help weigh me down

And tether my legs with a cord tightly bound

To the end of an anchor thrown into the sound 

And test me to see if I will rise against

The worst that it can get"